


a heart that's beating softly

by tinyphrases



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-07-10 09:02:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6976726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyphrases/pseuds/tinyphrases
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Her mother would laugh, tend to her scrapes and bruises, and also to that one bone that she broke while chasing the neighbourhood boys, who had called her some mean name that Jess could never remember. Even with all her scrapes and bruises and that one broken bone, her mother would never tell her otherwise. Because Jessika had been born with wings, wings full of strength that didn’t want to be suppressed.</p><p>About finding home and keeping it safe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a heart that's beating softly

**Author's Note:**

> idk what happened here it's not cohesive i just love these two space girls so much <3 hope u enjoy!

Jessika had been born with wings. 

That is something that her mother had always said, when she was young and would look up at the sky and see ships passing by. When she ran up hills and through woods and felt the carelessness of her youth lift her up and into the sky. She’d see birds and wonder the things they saw. She’d climb into trees and jump in an attempt to find those wings that her mother claimed that she had. 

Her mother would laugh, tend to her scrapes and bruises, and also to that one bone that she broke while chasing the neighbourhood boys, who had called her some mean name that Jess could never remember. Even with all her scrapes and bruises and that one broken bone, her mother would never tell her otherwise. Because Jessika had been born with wings, wings full of strength that didn’t want to be suppressed. 

She grew up mostly in peace, except from those mean neighbourhood boys, and sure, she would get into brawls, but she never felt unsafe. She felt like there, on Dandoran, with their house so close to both the inhabited areas and the thick mysterious darkness of the woods, she could never feel pain. Jess never felt like her life was endangered, never thought of anything other than her peaceful life. 

That changed, just a little, when her older brother decided to teach her how to fly. And she felt the exhilaration of piloting a ship, of being up there and seeing more than she could see from the ground. When they returned, Jess chattering away excitedly, her mother smiled and kissed her forehead. 

_These are not the wings that I mean, love_ . 

Jess grinned up at her mother easily. _But they_ _’re my wings, mama. I was born with them_. 

Looking back on it, Jess wishes things could have just fucking stayed that way. 

[…] 

Another fruitless recon mission ends in her exhaustion. Snap is still positive – he often is – but even the youngest of pilots are feeling the tiredness. The First Order has obviously drawn back, looming in their dark corners and planning a revenge, so there is little to find. Still, General Organa insists on this. She insists they search the galaxy for any signs of friends and foes, and Jess does understand that, truly. She’s just _tired_. 

After debriefing, she intends on going into her quarters and just sleeping the mission off, maybe read a little or watch a holo, when she realises that it might be wise to get started on the task she had promised her commander to do. Before she left, he was pining properly, sitting at the ex-Stormtrooper’s side with the torn jacket in his lap, trying desperately to sew it back together. She offered to do it for him in her free time, and he reluctantly accepted. 

Jessika is no sewing expert, but her mother had been pretty good in her days, so she picked up some basic tricks. It’s a soothing task, in the same way that she only truly feels relaxed up in the air, but different. Sewing required patience and, well, Poe would say that she has no patience at all – which technically wasn’t true. If she wasn’t patient, she would never have offered to sew his damn jacket back together. Snap’s wife had offered her a sewing machine only a few months earlier, and she’s excited to try it once she has at least stitched the two torn halves together. 

When she enters her quarters, they’re exactly the way she left them. Her pyjamas thrown onto the bed carelessly when she had undressed, her desk a mess of bits and bobs that need a new home. Or maybe it’s actually time for her to throw out sentimental garbage. She sighs, rubbing her forehead and turning away from the bits on her desk so she can grab her necessities to head for the refresher. The sentimental garbage can wait – she smells of sweat and oil and boredom, and it’s not a pleasant scent either. 

She decides not to waste perfectly good sunlight and finds an old canvas bag that her mother had thrown together one day when she was doing groceries. It had a neatly sewn on letter ‘J’ in orange beads, something she got teased about occasionally, but she never minds it. She’s known from a very young age that her future would lie here. Fighting for a cause she believes in. Even if the war hadn’t torn her family apart, she would still be here. When she was recruited, a short year ago, she had been mourning. And General Organa herself had squeezed her shoulder and told her to get up and keep going. That her mother would have wanted that from her. Jess didn’t know at the time that it was a common motherly spirit. 

To this day, she’s happy with her decision. She gets to work hard to try and save the galaxy, feels happiest when she’s flying, and in the end, may she ever get blasted out of the air, then there won’t be a family mourning for her in the way that she mourned for them. 

With the bag slung over her shoulder, she navigates herself outside, greeting those that she recognises. Truth is, they’re a bit like a family here, though she wonders how much someone would mourn over her death. The Resistance… they dive from one fight into another. There’s no time for grief, and all the pilots know, and there’s a silent agreement to not speak of it for a little while. She’s happy about it. She’s never really known how to deal with other people’s grief, especially because she still doesn’t know how to face her own. 

The sun is gentle on D’Qar, the warmth not too overwhelming, so she finds a spot to sit close to the hangar and pulls her legs crossed so she can take the jacket into her lap. It’s a bit of a messy tear, the inside coming apart and she rubs her forehead to try and remember the best way to do this. She just hopes her needles are adapt to do this, because if they’re not thick enough, it’ll be pretty much a lost cause. 

She works in concentration for a while, happy that there’s nothing to distract her. 

From the corner of her eye she spots the Falcon, in its now designated place, and she wants to say it’s all shiny and glorious, but it’d be an overstatement. Glorious would maybe be correct, but it’s in no way shiny. Which makes sense, considering its history, and it beams with stories told and untold. She knows many of them already and smiles to herself, before looking back down into her little box of needles to search for the thickest one. She may not even have the right thread for this, or a fitting colour, but she doubts Poe will be picky. 

The poor guy had been lifted slightly by the arrival of Luke Skywalker and his young Jedi apprentice, with her bright curious eyes and strong pose. That same girl that also spent many of her hours at boy’s side, and she had never really heard the story, because when everything had happened, she was up in the air doing her job. Her name is Rey, and yeah, she’s easy on the eyes. There’s some sort of comforting air about her, which could be the Force, or something like that, even though Jess knows full well that the Force does _not_ work that way. 

But Rey is lonely, too. That’s an easy thing to notice. It’s not that she is never surrounded by people, always threading by. It’s that there is no one on the base – except for her Master – who really understands what she’s going through. There’s a weird ache inside Jess that makes her want to understand – for _Rey_ , not because she desires to be a Jedi. She’s about as Force sensitive as a rock, anyway. 

She sighs, rubbing her forehead when she does find a needle, but no thread that could possibly match the colours, so she sets out to carefully push the thread through the needle and tie two careful knots to prevent it from slipping. Vaguely, in the back of her head, she hears her mother calling for her, asking her to do the task. Because Jess’ mother had always had bad eyes, and Jess praised herself for being sharp as a hawk, so she would carefully push the thread through the tiny hole and press a kiss to her mother’s cheek. 

Furiously, she pushes the memory back and starts carefully pushing the needle through the fabric. It’s then when she sees a shadow looming over her, one that shields her from the sunshine but therefore also blocks the light from shining onto the one place that she is supposed to be seeing. 

“Can I sit?” Rey asks, and Jess knows it’s her because the accent is unique, not something that many people on the base have. She looks up at the younger girl, who is looking at her with soft, gentle eyes. 

“Sure,” Jess says, swallowing a little and scooting over just a little so that they’re not pressed up together entirely. 

They sit in companionable silence for a little while, Jess threading the needle through the fabric with a little effort. The needles are strong enough, but it’s not going as smoothly as she would have liked. Rey, for her part, is mostly quiet, but it doesn’t take Jess all that long to notice her inquiring stare. 

“What?” 

Rey opens her mouth, before closing it again, clearly trying to collect the right words. Huh. Jess never thought that she would pick her words so elaborately, but perhaps she’s been more wrong than right about things recently. “That’s my friend’s jacket,” the girl then says, a frown creasing her lightly freckled forehead. Jess could honestly kick herself for even paying attention to that. 

“Yeah, it is, but I think your friend can miss it for now,” Jess says gently. “After all, he’s got Poe Dameron himself waiting at his bedside.” 

“And is that the same?” Rey asks, though she’s smiling already and it actually feels a little bit like she’s shining down light on Jess. It’s both blinding and revitalising. 

Jess laughs, whole-heartedly and perhaps a little louder than she intended to, but there’s no reason for her to be grim when there’s this young girl with earnest eyes. 

“Well, let’s say that Poe was very attached to that jacket, so for him to give it away so… easily, is quite the feat,” Jess replies with a shrug. “Not to make assumptions, but you know.” 

Rey frowns again – Jess has to swallow because it’s somehow even cuter than before. “I think I know. I’m not that well versed in things like that, if I’m honest.” 

“I think you’re just fine at reading context, Rey,” Jess replies earnestly, patting her shoulder a bit awkwardly before picking her needle up again. Rey watches her, the whole time, with curious eyes. Normally, a stare would distress Jessika, but instead she finds comfort in knowing someone gives a crap about what she’s doing when she’s not up in the skies. 

[…] 

Rey looks light as a feather, and Jess knows she’s not supposed to be here. 

She’s on lunch break from working her ship all morning, but she’s surprisingly not all that hungry, so she wanders the hallways as if she has no idea where she is, until she stumbles upon a dimly lit room. The door is open just so that she can hear a familiar voice, a not too tall figure. 

Luke Skywalker. 

Jess swallows, reigning in whatever admiration she must be feeling, because the idea of a Force sensitive person being nearby still gives her just the slightest amount of chills. She’s not one to be afraid, usually, but someone knowing what she thinks and how she feels? She’d rather have an enemy with a face that she can beat the shit out of. She knows she should keep walking, maybe finally get to the mess hall and eat and maybe visit Poe to show him the progress on the jacket. The boy still hasn’t woken up and by the looks of it, both Rey and Poe spend most of their time at the bedside. 

Well, except for now. Since Luke Skywalker is here, she must be here too. Why else would he be standing in a mostly empty room that used to be for storage of large parts? Then she sees it, a bright green light illuminating the room, and she can’t help but peek in. 

So the rumours are true after all — Rey’s lightsaber _is_ double edged, much like the weapon she apparently used to carry on Jakku. It’s a wise decision, seen as Rey was probably good at defending herself with that, and getting a similar weapon constructed as a Jedi would only make things easier. 

Still, the image of Rey swinging it around in carefully poised, calculated movements is more than Jess can handle. There’s something about the fluidity of it that reminds her of flying, of gliding through the sky with no hiccups. Jess is not exactly a figure of grace herself, but watching Rey feels like being young all over again, watching those ships cruise over Dandoran, a tiny Jess with her eyes wide and full of fascination. 

This is different, yet the same. Rey moves slowly, as if she’s practicing defence without offense. Her grip looks strong and Jess hopes for the sake of everyone’s sanity — especially her own — that the two people in that room will ignore her presence. 

Neither of them comment, so Jess lingers just a little. They talk, voices hushed, but it is mostly their eyes that converse. The only light now is Rey’s lightsaber, and she holds it at her side carefully, but because there’s no light, their eyes are not visible. 

God, Jess _hates_ being curious. And since she can’t really hear anything, she quickly straightens her back and keeps walking, ducking her head carefully as she enters the mess. The hunger has finally risen in her belly and she sighs, pressing a hand to it as she joins the queue carefully. It’s a slow one today, since every damn pilot decided to eat at the same time, and she makes friendly conversation. 

Her mind couldn’t be farther from it, though. Jess was a young girl when she grew fascinated with Luke Skywalker, and she remembers listening to stories for hours on end, memorising them to the point of near precise recital. Her mother used to tease her about it, tell her that these silly things wouldn’t matter in the future, and Jess missed her mother so much because this meant that she would never know how much those silly things had ended up mattering. 

Luke Skywalker is a Jedi, an ace pilot, too. As is Rey, apparently, because she flew ships with only simulation experience (according to stories of course). There’s something about Rey, and the way they have had precisely one other conversation, that will not let Jess go. She hates crushes, hates wasting her time on lusting after people, no matter how much she will flirt. To her, that’s fun. Crushes are agonising and painful and honestly, no matter how much anyone will say it, they are too damn often unrequited. 

Added to that, Rey’s training to be a Jedi. There’s a code of conduct against intimacy and things of that kind. It’s not even sex, it’s intimacy. Meaning that the one daydream she had about them cuddling will probably never, ever become reality. 

After retrieving her food, she joins the rest of the squadrons at their usual table, though she’s carefully avoiding too much conversation. At some point, Snap nudges her side. “What’s wrong with you, Testor, you’re usually talking a million parsecs an hour.” 

She raises an eyebrow at him and takes a sip of her water. “That’s an exaggeration. A really huge exaggeration. Please don’t.” 

“No, it’s true,” Karé says from across her, biting into her sandwich and shrugging. “Seriously, Jess. What’s got you pining so much? Are you struggling with the jacket?” 

“What- how do you even know I’m doing that?” Jess asks with a narrow of her eyes, before remembering that pilots are notoriously known for being gossip fiends. You’d think that with war going on around them, they wouldn’t have too much time on their hands to interfere with other people’s business. 

Karé chuckles. “There’s only one person on this base who is actually _good_ with their hands in that aspect. I take it Poe asked you? That jacket is important to him.” 

“Alright, first, I offered,” Jess replies, feeling like they’re making fun of her but she’s surprisingly not angry about it. It’s not mean-spirited, and in the end she will get back at them. “And second, it’s technically not Poe’s jacket, anymore.” 

Something in Karé’s eyes darkens. “I didn’t think Poe would ever give it away.” 

“He did,” Jess nods, not willing to push further because Karé is already looking down at her sandwich, briefly quiet. It’s not Jess’ place to push about it, and she is about to move on to another subject when she catches sight of Rey entering the mess with Poe. They’re conversing quietly, joining the queue, and Jess tries to look at them without actually looking. 

Oh no. No. Nope. 

Rey’s wearing some sort of altered version of Jedi robes, probably made for exercise, which means that after her conversation with Skywalker, she worked out. It’s a sight that makes Jess dizzy, because with her hair slightly messy and slick with sweat, her chest heaving with a still laboured breath, and her arms exposed. 

Jess ends up having to look away because it makes her dizzy, and both Snap and Karé send her knowing looks. She hates them. She hates the Resistance. Is it too late to back away from these assholes? 

Of course, there’s a spot beside her, and of course Rey sits down there and greets her with a gentle smile before diving into her food. Jess both wants to say something and sink into the floor to never appear again, because Rey’s damp hair smells like forest and berries and the ocean even though she’s only been off Jakku for maybe a month or two. 

Poe is talking more animatedly than anyone has seen him lately, but it turns out that Finn’s fingers stirred earlier today, which means it’s likely for him to wake up soon. Rey watches Poe with a soft expression when he mentions Finn, and Jess finds that it makes her stomach flip. There’s something in Rey’s wide eyes that only appears when they talk about Finn, and it’s the warmest, softest expression. It’s love, Jess realises, and she wonders if Rey realises it herself before remembering that even Rey has to be capable of understanding that sort of thing. 

It should make her feel sad, Jess thinks, but somewhere she’s relieved that Rey doesn’t direct those eyes at her. She probably wouldn’t even be able to survive it. 

Usually, when she’s done eating, she lingers, but she ends up getting up and saying that she has something to take care of. It’s not even marginally true, she discovers, but it gets everyone off her back and she returns to her quarters quietly. Since she’s already here, she can continue her progress on the jacket. The hand stitching is mostly done, she just needs to make sure the lining won’t tear and then she can use the sewing machine to secure everything in place. 

She goes to work then, humming to herself absentmindedly as she works on the lining, when there’s a knock on her door. Frowning, she turns off the machine and unfolds herself from the chair, walking over to open up. “What- Oh, hey Rey,” she greets the other girl quietly, stepping aside. “Come on in.” 

Rey frowns at her, as if Jess letting her in is surprising, but she does enter. “I was- I was wondering if I could maybe help you with the jacket,” she offers a little shyly, shuffling her feet. “Or maybe I was trying to find an excuse to talk to you? I don’t know, honestly.” 

Studying Rey’s pose, Jess figures she looks as if she just needed a breath. “I’m good, but you can stay here while I do it,” Jess says with a soft smile, closing the door behind them. “Get comfy. I can get you a holo to watch, if you want?” 

“Can I maybe watch you work, though? It looks so intricate, calms me down for some reason,” Rey replies instead, and Jess chuckles. “Sure, get comfy wherever you want. Pull up a chair while I work on the least exciting part.” 

While she goes to work, she finds that Rey has more to say than she did last time they hung out together. She asks questions about sewing, about being a Resistance pilot, about whether Poe is a good man. It’s kind of cute how she crinkles her nose in response to almost anything and Jess, more than once, stabs herself with the needle. Her fingers are covered in tiny bleeding pits of hell but she doesn’t care. Getting to spend time with Rey is less nerve-wrecking than she initially anticipated. Perhaps the fact that she’s occupying herself makes her less of a hopeless mess. 

“One time I’ll take you up in an X-wing and you will love it,” Jess promises, and Rey smiles at her dreamily, scooting just that little bit closer so that her head comes rest on Jess’ shoulder comfortable. It makes Jess freeze, for just a second, before she manages to regain her composure and continue the task. Sure, it’s not exactly the best angle, but she will not be the one to tell Rey to scoot away. 

“I’m not sure what real friendships are like,” Rey muses absentmindedly, her voice thick and even a little sleepy. “What I feel around Finn is more of an instantaneous thing, but I know that you don’t _usually_ become friends with someone, from one moment to another.” 

“It can happen, but it’s a bit unorthodox, yeah,” Jess replies, swallowing dryly. “I think that during a time of war, you become less picky with who to consider friends. Because, you know, you’re all in this misery together. Going the complicated route of friendship doesn’t seem like an option. I’ve not been with the Resistance for that long, but all those people out there — they’re like family.” 

There’s a sadness in Rey’s voice when she, more or less, replies: “Family… Yeah, that’s good. Family’s good.” 

It’s a painful thing to think about; Rey growing up without a family to care about her. A brother to mercilessly tease or a sister to braid her hair. A mother to show her a skill that mattered to their culture. Jess wraps a tight arm around Rey and hugs her closer. There’s something inexplicably natural about this, about holding this girl that she hasn’t even known that long. She tries not to think about it too much, because thinking is a dangerous thing when her thoughts are a wandering entity of their own. 

“You’ve got a family here, Rey,” Jess sighs, her fingers resting on the softest skin she has ever felt and it makes her shake. “It’s not the same, but it can be. These people will fight to protect you if their lives depend on it. We’re in this war together and we’re getting out of it together.” 

Rey is silent then, pensive, and she looks up at Jess only briefly before burrowing her face into Jess’ neck. Which, um, is kind of a problem. Because it makes Jess incapable of functioning as a human being and also prohibits her from doing this task of sewing. “Thank you,” the soft voice comes, vibrating against her neck gently and she swallows and nods. There’s no more necessity for words, and it’s quiet between them for a considerable amount of time before Jess realises that Rey _fell asleep_ on her. 

If the long silence wasn’t an indicator, the soft snoring that Rey emits surely is one. With some difficulty, both physical and emotional, Jess transfers her to the bed and covers her in the thick wool blanket that she took from her home the day that the Resistance swept her away, and when Rey grips it and tangles herself in it, Jess’ heart swells and squeezes against her ribcage so fiercely that she can’t breathe. For a single second, she’s entranced in the vision of this girl, the youth in her sleeping face so visible, her mouth pursed gently. 

It’s only a second. Jess won’t allow herself more. 

She turns away, almost too quickly, trips over her chair and almost tumbles to the floor but she catches herself by the edge of the table, hand trembling. Why does it feel this way? She knows crushes, and sure, they’re all filled with butterflies and happy, sappy thoughts. This? This feels like something the size of a small asteroid weighing down her every step when Rey does something so unabashedly sincere and kind, showing the girl whose warmth was left unharmed, untamed by the cruel world that she grew up in. 

Jess swallows, steadies herself and goes back to work the only way that she really can: with her hands. 

[…] 

Somehow, flying a ship with Rey is even more intense than sitting in the same room with Rey. Sure, Jess’ hands are occupied, but a lot of the moves are automated in her head, a mere signal from her brain to her hands, and she doesn’t _actually_ have to think about it. Which leaves space for other things, like noticing keenly the widening of Rey’s eyes once they’re up in the air, and the way she laughs when Jess pulls a stunt that may seem impressive but is in fact something she does a lot. 

Rey isn’t innocent. She’s just full of wonder for everything around her, an encompassing appreciation for the things about her life that aren’t shitty. Jess admires that. 

“You’re a good pilot, you know?” Rey offers when they’ve been flying in silence, exploring D’Qar mostly, because Jess was told by various people to try and not take her crush to a place where there’s no escape route. 

(That was all Snap. He’s such a dickhead.) 

“I’m surprised they’re calling Poe the best pilot in the Resistance,” Rey adds when Jess is too busy cursing Snap in her head. She wonders what would happen if she took Rey further up, but chances are she would pass out and that would not bode well. Jess is a heavy fainter. 

Wait- was that Rey flirting with her? Jess whips her head over to her passenger but Rey is already looking out the window. “There’s a lot of this world that I haven’t seen, actually, but I can feel it,” she muses quietly, pointing at a spot by the coast. 

“A waterfall, right there. Cave behind it. A creature lives there.” 

Jess feels a swelling of excitement inside of her and grins. “That’s _so cool_ ,” she says on exhale, blowing a loose strand of hair from her face. “The Force, I mean. You don’t even have to be somewhere and you can feel the life in that exact spot. Is it like an extension of yourself?” 

Rey looks hesitant at the question. “It’s weird because I don’t _feel_ different. It doesn’t feel like an extension yet that’s the best way to describe it.” 

“The Force sure as hell did awaken when Beebee found you on Jakku,” Jess chuckles quietly, reaching over in a flurry of confidence and squeezing Rey’s fingers. “I’m glad it did. You’re a good addition to the group, Rey. Plus, you brought Luke Skywalker back. That’s gotta count for something.” 

“Still not sure if Luke and I are on the same page, but we’re working on that for sure,” Rey replies, smiling back and turning her hand over to catch Jess’ fingers. It makes Jess’ heart leap. “Sure you can handle the ship with one hand?” 

Jess shrugs, giving Rey a crooked grin over her shoulder. “Eh. If Rey the Jedi tells me I should be called the best pilot in the Resistance, I best show off.” It’s a terrible attempt at flirting, or just a really, really vague joke, but it cracks Rey up and her laughter fills the cockpit. Her laughter is genuinely like oxygen to Jess, so she discovers that she will do anything just to make Rey laugh again. 

The conversation after that is just filled with Jess making shitty jokes and Rey teasing her about not quite perfecting a manoeuvre. It feels lighter and Jess feels more composed than ever before, especially around Rey. 

“So, do you wanna take the controls?” she asks, looking ahead for a safe place to hover. Rey’s eyes are wide and she nods excitedly, so with a bit of a wiggle, they switch places and Rey takes over. 

Force _damn_ , she’s a natural indeed. Much like when Jess had creepily watched some sort of weird Jedi session between Rey and Skywalker, Rey’s movements now are like liquid. She moves like she’s truly a part of nature, a fundamental part and not a pawn, and combined with the glee in her eyes, Jess is pretty sure that she has reached a point of no return. 

There’s no going back from this devastating crush, this sense of _affection_ that she feels around this girl. And the stupid thing is that she knows herself well enough to realise that she can’t back away. She can’t be smart and step away for good. 

Because she talked to Rey about family. She’s a lot of things, but not a fucking hypocrite. 

“Can we take her up and off D’Qar?” Rey asks, looking at Jess curiously and sure, why not? No one has told her explicitly to not do it — except for Snap, whose argument is invalid anyway — and if she gets caught, she will gladly take the blame. Rey may not be innocent, but a lot of people sure as hell still seem to think it, so she could use that to her advantage just a little bit. 

In the two seconds that it took her to think all that, Rey has steered up and up, and before Jess realised it, they were up among the stars. This was maybe her favourite moment of departure, of going anywhere. Hyperspace was alright, arrival was good, but this? Watching the transition from planet to _space_ made her feel so incredibly small and yet _big_ because she got to witness this with her own two eyes. She closes her eyes, for just a moment, breathing in carefully. 

“Are you okay?” Rey asks, worriedly, before smirking just a little. “Getting a little motion sick in the passenger seat?” 

Jess rolls her eyes in Rey’s direction and sits up, looking at her directly. “Guess I like being in control a little _too_ much. It’s weird, not piloting myself.” 

There’s a quiet hum from the ship’s pilot, who nods. “I kind of get it? I mean, I was mostly flying the Falcon but I’m pretty sure Chewie just caught all of my emotional baggage anyway. I _hated_ the prospect of leaving D’Qar without Finn, but he would have forced me to go, had he been awake.” 

“Poe was ecstatic about it two days ago, any improvements?” Jess tries to ask carefully, not to pry because it isn’t her business. She’s just here to support Rey. 

“Yeah, they’re- they say his body will wake up naturally and there’s- I know it’s maybe silly, but I feel like he’s going to wake up any second now.” 

“That’s not _silly_ , Rey. That’s probably just your Force mumbo jumbo doing its magic! And that’s great, we should get you back to base to make sure you’re there on time.” The look that Rey gives her makes her tremble a little. “Is there something wrong?” 

Rey shakes her head, her one hand moving from the controls to take Jess’ hand in the world’s softest grasp. “It just doesn’t happen so often that someone would do something for me,” she admits. “Last time, well, Finn came back for me.” 

“Yeah, he did, and I know that I would come back for you too,” Jess says easily. “Look, Rey. You’re one of our own. And I, personally, will protect you with my damn life. Kylo Ren can come and get you, but he’ll have to get past me first.” The words surprise her probably more than Rey, because she knows their truth but she never thought they would have the capacity to turn themselves from thoughts into spoken words. Nonetheless, Rey seems grateful, squeezing Jess’ fingers very, very tightly — almost a vicious grip. One that neither of them want to let go from. 

“On Jakku, having friends was dangerous,” Rey says quietly, hand trembling even if she’s trying to hold up that tight grip, and Jess covers that small, calloused hand with both of her own. Keeps it safe like she will try and keep Rey safe. “It was- you would think that you could trust anyone, and they’d stab you in the back. So I learned to be on my own. I learned that I was safest alone.” 

“Well, no more. If you think you’re safest alone, we still all have your back,” Jess says firmly, raising Rey’s hand to her lips and pressing a kiss to her fingertips. Their eyes meet, then, and Jess can practically count the freckles that are scattered across Rey’s nose and its surrounding area. She’s attentive, sure, but it’s mostly because they’re sitting very closely. 

“Hey Jess-” Rey begins, and Jess is practically shifting to the edge of her seat when a loud beeping disturbs them. Rey jumps back, seeking the right button so that they can hear the incoming transmission, but Jess finds it first. “Yeah?” she replies, glancing at Rey who is glancing out the window instead. 

“Jess? Where are you guys? Ground control said you took Rey for a flight?” It’s Poe. He sounds exhilarated and out of breath. “You have to come back. Finn woke up. He woke up, Rey!” 

They make a beeline back to the base rather quickly, with Jess manoeuvring them to the ground safely, and the second the ship has halted, Rey is making a beeline back inside. Jess takes slower, figures that this isn’t her place, making sure the ship is fine, but she could swear she catches Rey waving before the girl disappears inside. 

Either way, Jess pushes down her emotions so deep she can feel nothing but hollow insides. 

[…] 

“It’s illegal for anyone to be cuter than me,” Jess says, pointedly, as she sits down with Poe and Finn — who has been healing faster than anyone really anticipated, and is now glued to Poe at the hip. Her arms cross in front of her and she stares them down, pointedly, before Poe opens his mouth. 

“What the hell, Jess?” 

She tries keeping a straight face. She really does. But the moment Poe glances at her with concern, her resolve breaks and she groans, pressing her hands to her face. “I _really_ can’t do this.” 

They were never friends before, not before she fixed the jacket, and maybe Poe feels indebted to her (which is bullshit) because he’s practically included her in his circle of close friends. That being said, Poe is nice to everyone. He’s close friends with just about everyone, solely based on his attitude. 

“Is this about your hopeless crush that Karé won’t shut up about?” he asks, a little empathetically, and Finn frowns. “Crush? What crush?” 

“Rey,” Jess and Poe reply, simultaneously, glancing at each other. Poe’s eyes are soft. Jess? Jess is just staring a hole in his forehead. 

“So, I’m guessing you’re cute, but Rey is cuter and it’s distressing you?” Finn offers, his dark eyes showing warmth and even a mischievous sparkle. Jess gawks at him. “Why are you and Rey both more adapted at dealing with feelings than I am?” 

“You’re just wrong to assume we would be worse at it, but I’ll forgive you for the assumption.” Finn’s response is calm but Jess feels like a deer in headlights and offers him a shy, apologetic smile. “You’re right, I’m sorry.” 

Poe then interjects. “Here’s a novel idea. Tell Rey she’s very cute, and that you would like to be cute together.” 

“That’s a shitty idea. I used to get all pining about it, but now I just want to hold her hand all the time, kiss her and garbage like that.” Jess knows she sounds melodramatic but it’s really not an exaggeration. 

Rey sees her as a friend. A friend who’s been supporting her and being kind and allowing her to adjust. And Jess, with her stupid crush the size of a small asteroid, is not in a place to ruin something like that. 

“Then what do you suggest to do? Wallow in your own damn emotions until you run over?” Finn asks with a frown, taking a sip from his caf and putting it down. “Jess, I hope you realise that Rey only ever talks about you. I can’t get a word in.” 

“Yeah, duh, because we’re friends,” Jess replies, ignoring the way that her heart flips because Finn is important to Rey, and if Rey talks about her… does that mean she’s important to Rey _too_? 

Snap drops his tray beside her and sits down. “Are we talking about Jess’ love life? The nonexistent level of it, that is?” 

Jess groans. Poe and Finn just nod. 

“You should tell her,” Snap says, not at all helpful, no matter how much he means it. 

“That would be a good idea only if she wasn’t training to be a very powerful Jedi, who will probably not be interested in that kind of thing,” Jess replies with narrowed eyes, her hands itching to get up. She already regrets bringing all of this up. 

Poe rolls his eyes at her, and Finn watches it all happen around him fondly, and Jess wants a hole to appear and suck her away from this. “Listen, Jess, no one expects you to unleash some lust monster on Rey,” Poe says, and both Snap and Jess cringe at it. “See! No need for any of that! Just tell her you enjoy holding her hand or something.” 

“Because that is much, much better,” Jess murmurs, finishing her food quickly and half swallowing it all without chewing much. She will regret that, later, because right now she kind of _does_ want to talk to Rey, or she might explode. 

“Go get ‘em!” Snap says cheerfully, and she leaves her tray for him to clean, since that’s the very last thing that he could do for her now. 

She wanders the hallways a little idly, half hoping she will bump into Rey and half hoping she will end up somewhere she has never been before. As luck has it, she bumps into Rey, who greets her cheerfully, and Jess returns the sentiment with a little less enthusiasm. 

“Are you okay?” Rey asks, worry in those widely sincere eyes and Jess swallows. She _hates_ to lie when Rey is just watching out for her. “I’m- not great. Tired.” 

“Yeah? Me too.” Rey stretches her arms above her head, yawning before rubbing her eyes. “All my joints are popping. Feels like I haven’t slept in days. Which, considering the circumstances, wouldn’t even be that crazy of an assumption.” 

Jess feels hot, unzipping the top of her flight suit just so she can breathe. “Considering what circumstances?” 

“With the Force, you kind of… can lose track of time, so it seems like a lot of time has passed, and your mind tricks itself into thinking that,” Rey explains. She looks Jess over, probably noticing the exhaustion, and smiles. “Wanna come sleep?” 

If Jess had been swallowing in that exactly moment, she would have choked. 

But she says yes. She says yes because some insane part of her wants to, and she doesn’t care that Rey means actual sleeping because that’s the only thing she is capable of right now anyway. Her limbs feel like they’re made of lead as she drags them behind Rey, who has taken her hand gently after noticing how slow Jess is probably going. 

Once they’ve entered what Jess believes to be Rey’s small room, she feels such a sense of relief that she flops onto the bed on her stomach and groans. “Ah, finally.” 

“Finally what?” Rey asks, clearly unable to conceal the laughter in her voice as she moves about the room, picking up things and replacing them. 

“Silence. Privacy. The like.” Jess knows it sounds weird, but as extroverted as she is, she loves to be alone sometimes. Especially when she’s been feeling so on edge. Sitting up — with effort, mind you — she unzips her flight suit. “There’s only one bed, though. And it’s tiny.” 

“Well, neither of us are exactly big,” Rey replies laconically, tugging her clothes off until she’s just in her undershirt and underwear. Even through her exhaustion, Jess knows when to look away and focuses on taking off the bulky suit. It’s a slow process, but she’s at least got clean shorts and a tank underneath, so it’s not all bad. “Are you sure you want to share?” Jess asks, frowning slightly as Rey sits beside her. “I can head to my own room, it’s not that far.” 

“Would it be wrong of me to ask you to stay?” Rey asks in return, moving to undo the three buns in her hair. Jess watches her hands move, blinking a little lazily, before their eyes meet again. 

“No. It wouldn’t be wrong. But why do you want me to stay?” 

Jess’ vision is already blurring in exhaustion, a tell-tale sign that she should really, really shut up and just take at least a nap to regain her composure. She’s just awake enough to feel a small, warm hand on her one cheek, a soft huff of air against the other. “Because I _really_ want you to, Jess,” Rey murmurs in a voice so husky that Jess squeezes her eyes shut. 

Fuck, fuck, _fuck._ It really shouldn’t evoke that kind of response from her but it does, and she crosses her arms over her chest pointedly. 

Clearing her throat, she opens her eyes and _kriff_ , Rey is very close. Their noses are practically bumping and Jess knows she must be flushing at least a little bit, and Rey looks so calm about it all that it just stops making sense. “What are you trying to say?” she asks, feeling Rey’s smile against her cheek because holy _shit_ , that’s how close they are. 

“Well, I guess I’m trying to say that I like you, but I doubt this is the correct time to do that since you’re so exhausted,” Rey offers, pulling back and instead taking both of Jess’ hands, and Jess would be lying through her teeth if she said that it didn’t feel great. Rey’s hands were only a little larger than her own, surprisingly soft even though the callouses were visible. 

“I like you too,” she replies easily, looking up from studying their hands together, which looked _good_. They fit together pretty well. “I- I really do, Rey. You’re right, though. I’m fucking wrecked.” 

Rey just smiles at her and leans in, kissing Jess’ forehead before moving to tuck her in. Usually, Jess would kick at anyone trying to get her into bed — in platonic manners, that is — but this time she just allows it. Allows someone to care for her, too, in a different way than her squadron cared for her. 

Rey joined, soon after, curling up beside her. Jess was on her back, like she was usually, head tilted in Rey’s direction as her bed partner got comfortable under regulation sheets. “Your blanket was comfy,” Rey mentioned as she wraps the blanket around herself like she’s a wrap. 

Jess laughs airily, too tired to make a noise, and decides to switch up her position just so she can properly face Rey. Their knees bump a little in the tiny bed, and since there’s so little space already, she just scoots a little closer until their foreheads are knocking. “Comfortable?” she asks, just to be sure. 

Rey sighs, nods, even scoots closer and tucks herself under Jess’ chin. It’s a bit weird, because the sheets bunch between them and Rey is slightly taller than Jess, but even so it fits so perfectly that Jess almost doesn’t want to sleep. 

She can’t hold herself back, not when there’s a soft, warm human heater, smelling so nice, and it feels for a second like she’s home. 

Home where her mother would show her fabrics and where her brother would show her ships and where she had been a free bird. 

[…] 

She sleeps dreamlessly, and a part of her thinks — when she’s woken up — that it’s because the dream that she wants is right beside her. It’s so corny it makes her roll her eyes, opening them and looking around briefly. The room is completely dark, meaning that night has finally approached, so she one-hundred percent fucked up her sleeping schedule right there and then. 

During the night, they seem to have shifted into a spooning position, with Rey playing big spoon. Jess swallows dryly, wiggling a little to try and see if there’s any space for her to move, but the second she does, Rey makes a soft, sleepy sound and grips her closer. 

“Are you having regrets?” she asks, clearly not asleep and sounding more awake than she should, given that she probably was asleep the same time that Jess was. 

“No, I’m trying to turn so I can see your face,” Jess explains, which is not the entire truth but it’s true enough. She _does_ like seeing Rey’s face, given how cute it is. 

Rey chuckles audibly, seemingly loud in the quiet room, and Jess does turn around quickly. They’re so close that their noses bump, and Rey’s eyes widen slightly, her breath hitching against Jess’ mouth. 

About a thousand terrible ideas run through Jess right then and there, her entire body tingling because she’s an idiot, she really is, and she acts upon the one that is probably the safest bet. Reaching up just a little, she slips her arm underneath the sheets to rest her hand on Rey’s waist and pushes forward. Presses her mouth to Rey’s. Holds her breath and waits. 

It’s not really how anyone’s first kiss is supposed to go — is she Rey’s first? — because the moment Jess thinks she made a mistake, prepares herself to pull back with her heart sunk into her stomach, Rey reaches up with both hands, grips her face and kisses her back with such an enthusiasm that a shudder runs through her body. 

It’s different than Jess remembers from any other time, because usually what with kisses, it’s either hesitant or extremely passionate from pent up frustration. This? This is like nothing she has ever experienced before. It reminds her vaguely of being up in the air, among the stars, but at the same time there’s nothing more grounding. 

They part for air, a few minutes later, stare at each other. Burst into loud, cheerful laughter. Kiss again. 

It’s never really been about words with Rey, or even actions. Jess knows that if they wanted to sit side by side doing nothing, they could do it. They could do absolutely nothing and Jess would feel that same exhilaration she feels in her X-wing. 

Kissing Rey feels like wrapping herself in her mother’s fabrics and climbing onto her brother’s shoulders and laughing after victory. Like home. Like a place that she belongs. 

Later, in the silence of the night, Jess whispers, “My mother would have loved you.” 

Rey beams at her. 

It’s nothing but the truth. 


End file.
